Discipline

Meditation — 9/14/23

Why do I struggle with overcoming addictive thoughts and behaviors?

The answers you seek lie within you.

You still give Ego too much leash. Discipline requires a strong hand.

There is always resistance in the retraining process. To teach a system new boundaries can create challenges. For there are sets of beliefs, ways of doing things, of self preservation, of self protection that have long been in place within your construct. Some of these beliefs and programs are not aware of their obsolescence and will fight for their protection with the understanding that they are in place to protect the Avatar known as Glen that carries the sacred Soul of God within it. This resistance is to be expected. It is the system operating as designed.

However, this resistance is overcome by continuing to retrain these automatic programs through loving awareness — rewriting them to serve the present moment, situations, and circumstances.

Why does it feel so challenging for me to work through these addictive thoughts and behaviors?

These are automatic programs of avoidance. During childhood, you experienced certain feelings, situations, and traumas that you did not have the faculties, tools, or bandwidth to properly process at the time. In order to prevent your system from overloading or shutting down, your untrained ego learned that avoidance was a tactic that could “successfully" protect the Avatar/Soul construct. Thus, your subconscious wrote programs to step in and react with avoidance whenever similar situations were encountered or similar feelings were triggered or arose to the surface.

This program and programs like it were put in place to protect you until you developed enough grounding, life experience, self confidence, understanding, and a more embodied connection to your heart so that you could fully process and integrate these traumas and emotions.

However, purging these old programs is not an automated process. It takes conscious awareness to detect them and diligence and practice to rewrite them.

Feelings of discomfort, disharmony, or perceived challenges are often conscious indicators of old subconscious programming that is out of alignment with your current vibrational frequency. These are portals of opportunity for healing and ascension.

Since childhood, you have worked to build strength, resilience, and groundedness in your being. You have grown roots that reach ever deeper into the Earth and the Soul of Existence to hold you steady — to hold you in a place of love and understanding so that these unprocessed emotions and traumas may be felt, addressed, processed, loved, integrated, and released without the interference of unconsciously-created subconscious programming.

This is not an easy process, and you will always be tested, for that is the point of this journey —

- to be tested and stretched, to grow deeper and wider into yourself — into divinity

- to fill yourself with wholeness and love, patience and understanding

- to straddle the light and the dark with equal mastery

- to see, feel, understand, and love the value of each side

There is no “better side”. While love and light is naturally the more “enjoyable side”, it is the darkness that contains the most valuable treasure, the richest nourishment that makes us grow, and the potent experiences that sharpen our discernment so we may see farther and feel deeper.

Plumb the depths of this darkness with love and curiosity. Find that shimmering gold at the bottom of the lake. Find that glowing bubble of memory, insight, and 20/20 hindsight. Always remember, plumbing the depths with fear only leads to barren darkness.

As I've continued to plumb these depths, I feel there there an original occurrence of memory or trauma that has led to addictive thoughts and behaviors, but I can never seem to uncover it or remember it. Is there something there I need to address?

Yes, but it is possible you may never need to address it directly.

But if I don’t address it, will I be able to move past it or through it? Will I be able to reprogram myself successfully?

Yes.

How do I do that?

Perseverance. Practice. Discipline.

Discipline is one of the lessons you signed up for in this life to learn, to understand, to integrate into who you are — into your spiritual DNA.

This seeking to find an original occurrence — while technically internal — is still an external search for a “cure” from what you perceive as addictive behaviors and thoughts. For you are still in a state of “IF-THEN". IF you uncover this original occurrence, THEN you will be free to let go, to reprogram, to move forward.

Be aware, in this search, you are operating from a limiting belief. This belief states that you yourself cannot overcome or love your way through this perceived road block in order to move forward, but that rather, you must first attain knowledge of your past in order to do so. However, your past is only an illusion. This is similar to believing you can reach the end of a rainbow by walking toward it.

The reprogramming must come from within YOU — nothing but the pure desire to step into who you truly are.

This is why the original occurrence — or what you perceive as "the answer" — must continue to be veiled from you in this moment. For if it is given now, the lesson will not be learned. It will only reenforce this limiting belief that only an external achievement can grant you permission to finally let go and move forward.

You must walk the path of faith in yourself, God, love, and faith that the universe will always support you in your work toward evolving into the next best version of yourself — into the state of perpetual growth, expansion, and love that only truly comes from within.

This is will power. This is discipline. This is the owning of yourself.

What does it mean to "own yourself?"

When there is an absence of spiritual consciousness within a person’s mind-body-spirit complex, their subconscious programming takes over all thinking, perception, and behavioral patterns. Most of this subconscious programming was written throughout childhood while in disconnected fight or flight states of fear, not from love. This subconscious “consciousness” creates a sophisticated autopilot called Ego to run the show since the “real pilot” or “spiritual consciousness” is still sound asleep. Ego is the “false self”. Untrained Ego lives in fear and runs on all of the negative programs within the subconscious. Thus, it gets a bad reputation and people want to throw the baby out with the bathwater.

Ultimately, the Ego wants to be owned. It wants to be told what to do. It wants a conscious programmer. The Ego wants divine order and to dance with the divine. But it needs an awakened Avatar/Soul complex to lead that dance. That awakened Avatar is you. You are here to dance with God and the Ego — to love it, to give it direction, to give it purpose, to give it divine life with God-inspired programming. It all comes from you.

The Ego is here to serve you on your journey and in doing so, it serves God. For you cannot do this journey without Ego. You need an auto-response system. You need the subconscious. It is a crucial part of what makes this Maya journey possible. The system itself is always complete, but it is up to you to TRULY OWN and operate your whole system.

You cannot dictate everything that happens in your life, for the universe unfolds in its own unique way in service of each individual’s journey. However, it is your responsibility to own all of your faculties and to run a tight ship — to make sure each and every part of you is in service to others, yourself, and God. This is how you navigate divinely.

For it is not "all in God’s hands.” You came here with responsibilities, and the biggest responsibility you have is to be a loving Father to your own Ego. To teach it, to mold it, to program it, to love it.

You are presented with these perceived challenges you inquire about for this precise reason. You must embody the knowing that YOU have the responsibility, and the power, and the capability to reprogram yourself in order to fully step into the wholeness that you are.

It is your purpose to ensure that every part of you comes into harmonious alignment under the Kingdom of You on every level in each moment to the absolute best of your ability.

Practice your discipline. This is the work. This is the way. This is the responsibility of divine knowledge. The time for skating by is over. It is time to engage as the Father, as the King that you know you are and always have been. It is now that you put on the crown and take the throne, scepter in hand. It is time to be. It is time to embody unconditional love.

Duality Theme Park

Our souls are unique expressions of God.

Our body complexes are unique creations of Soul.

We enter into Duality Theme Park wearing our divinely designed bodies in order to experience the illusion of separation. This allows our souls and God itself to learn, feel, heal, integrate, and truly recognize and experience the power of love frequency.

By purposefully limiting our infinite powers and knowledge by coming to this theme park “in character,” we learn and grow in ways we cannot on the other side. It is here where we experience the full spectrum of highs and lows, weakness and strength, love and apathy. We ride as many rides as possible — The Screamin’ Success, The Hellraiser, The Grief Gutter, The Faith Drop, The Pain Punisher, The Love Looper. We wait in long lines. We get tired. We experience disappointment when the rides breakdown and send us in another direction. And we also experience thrills, joy, excitement, laughter, and the amazing world of sensation — taste, touch, smell, hearing, and sight….and if we’re lucky, we tune back into the sixth sense of Energy.

And the best part is, everyone else in the park is here for the same reason — to have one heck of an interesting experience while sharing our gifts in service to one another and God which is experiencing itself through us and as us (Soul & Body).

We’re all just here to have a good time, which from the divine perspective entails feeling everything we possibly can — riding every ride we can cram into our day while we’re here. So, you didn’t get to ride The Tech Titan because it broke down while you were in line? The ride didn’t breakdown on accident. That ride wasn’t for you. That’s simply you bumping into the guardrail of your divine path. Be grateful you received such a clear, straightforward direction. No need and no excuse to be disappointed, there are a million other rides to try out. One of them in particular will be your favorite, but no one else can tell you what that is. Why would they know?

When we take the time to remember the bigger picture of why we came to this park in the first place and find a quiet bench to be still, recharge, and refocus, we remember that this place is a specific creation with a specific purpose and that we’re lucky enough to be here and experience it for a day. When we do this a lot, we start to get fast pass tickets for the rides, the food becomes cheaper, and everyone we meet becomes kinder and wiser, giving us inside tips on how to maximize our time while in the park.

So stop taking life so seriously. While people sometimes get ejected from the park early, it doesn’t actually kill them. They’ll be back another day playing another character riding more rides. Remember, actual “Death” does not exist — only a process of perpetual integration and rebirth.

Have you ridden “Oh f*ck, what did I just strap myself into” yet? It’s scary as hell and you’ll want to get off immediately…but it’s so fun!

“DARK”

Meditation — 5/12/23

Seated at the base of a tree in front of a lake house in the mountains that I often visit in my meditations, I breathe and feel into a deep connection to earth and nature.

I look down at the roots and see a very old, weathered piece of paper sticking out from under one of the roots. I pick it up and open it — it reads “DARK” scrawled in pen. I don’t know what this means or who wrote this note, but it appears to have been written decades ago. I get up and walk over to the edge of the lake. I look up and see dark, roiling storm clouds gathering in the sky. There is an eerie silence all around. I place the paper on the surface of the lake. The paper immediately dissolves into the water and instantly turns the entire lake from blue to an opaque inky black — like oil. The ground rumbles and shakes, and I steady myself on a nearby boulder. Undulations begin to race and dance around in all directions in the middle of the lake. Suddenly, a giant minotaur made of water bursts from the surface rising at least 10 stories tall. He thrashes his arms around and with a deafening roar, he twists around and collapses back into the lake. The water is now as still as glass and the clouds have completely blotted out the sun. Absolute silence. Absolute stillness.

Gazing across the dark landscape, I feel a gentle tug at my heart, beckoning me into the lake. Turgid with immense fear and resistance, every inch of me wants to turn and run. And yet, I feel my legs forward, slowly wading into the water step by step. Suddenly there is nothing under foot and I fall off a cliff slowly sinking into the depths. It is pitch black, save for a few faint rays of light penetrating from the surface. I look all around and down into the blackness below where I see the faintest glimmer of light. Curious, I swim toward it. As it slowly comes into view, I see that it is a reflective gold color. I get closer and realize it is a sleek black cat of Egyptian Royalty wearing a beautiful, ornately carved golden collar. I instantly recognize this as my own cat, Luna. She doesn’t look the same as she does in this lifetime, but her energy is the same. She jumps into my arms and guides me further into the depths navigating the waters by thought alone.

We come upon a giant glowing blue bubble resting at the bottom of the lake. Peering through the bubble’s surface, I realize that we are viewing a 3D memory of two prior life-changing meditations I had. The first was me sitting in my sacred upper garden with my Soul self — a gigantic warm being, old with a long beard and kind eyes. (He looked very much like Gandalf the White). It was at this meeting that I told him I consciously choose myself and my own power. He smiled and hugged me. This was when I was grappling with releasing old co-dependency programming. The other meditation was with my mother who gave me a key that I ended up forging myself in a crucible from items in a chest she had me open. In this meditation I saw her true soul. It was a beautiful release and deep forgiveness to her and myself. It forever affected how I view and interact with my Mom. I went through very dark and challenging times prior to having both of these meditations. The memory playback concludes and the bubble shrinks back into the black nothingness. Luna guides us back up near the surface. She hops out of my arms, turns to look at me and gives me a slow blink. I thank her telepathically and she turns and trots off into the darkness.

I swim the rest of the way to the surface and walk to the shore. I turn back to look at the lake, which has returned to its beautiful deep blue hue. The sun is shining and the surface of the water shimmers in bright golden hues — the same shimmering color as Luna’s collar. With feelings of wholeness and gratitude, I walk back over to the tree and sit back down. Next to me is a white, crisp piece of paper and a pen. I write the word “DARK”, fold it, and tuck it under the root.